What is loneliness?
Where does it come from? Why can we be all alone and feel perfectly fine, but other times be in a crowded room and feel completely isolated?
I have thought about this a lot. For the Christian, loneliness is rarely about who is around you. It is usually about what is happening inside you.
The famous writer John Milton once noted something interesting about the Bible. In the book of Genesis, God looked at everything He made and called it good. But there was one exception.
It is not good for the man to be alone.
Genesis 2:18
Loneliness was the first thing God said was not good.
Loneliness is actually a warning sign. It is a symptom of disconnection. It happens when we disconnect from the God who designed us, or from the people He placed in our lives.
Here’s how I think we can move from the “cave” of loneliness to the “crown” of true connection.
Contents
1. Stop Chasing the Illusion
We are looking for fulfillment in the wrong places: In romance, in a better job, or in entertainment.
When those things don’t work, we feel empty.
The Bible gives us a better “want”.
As the deer pants for streams of water,
Psalm 42:1
so my soul pants for you, my God.
A deer does not just want water. It needs water to survive. Does your soul pant for God like that?
“A soulmate can complete us“. It is a lie. We look to people to do God’s job. And that ends in loneliness.
Don’t wait for people to make you feel better. Try doing it for them.
A generous person will prosper;
Proverbs 11:25
whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.
Are you refreshing others, or are you just waiting to be refreshed? It becomes almost impossible to feel alone when you focus on serving others.
2. Stay Deep in the Water
Here is a strange but true fact: Under the water, fish don’t stink.
Fish only start to smell when you pull them out of the water, and they sit on the surface.
When we are wrapped up in Jesus, the “decay” of our flesh does not smell. Feelings like insecurity, envy, and isolation fade away. We are preserved by His Spirit.
But when we live on the surface, we start to smell. We might look like Christians on the outside, but inside, we are lonely and jealous.
Jesus gave us the solution:
4 Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
John 15:4
If you are a lonely Christian, it often means you have disconnected from Jesus.
3. Turn Observation into Worship
Have you ever felt lonely in the middle of a church service?
This usually happens when we stop worshipping and start watching. We shift our focus from God to ourselves. We wonder why nobody noticed us.
But we forget who saved us.
You make known to me the path of life;
Psalm 16:11
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
Full joy is found in God’s presence. Loneliness cannot live in the same room as true worship.
4. You Need the Body (and It Needs You)
You were not designed to do this alone.
4 For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.
Romans 12:4–5
You belong to others. Others belong to you.
How can you worship God and not care for His body? How can you say you love God but not notice the lonely people around you?
If you feel disconnected, you have to make a move.
- Start using your gifts.
- Start sharing your story.
- Start setting up time with other believers.
When you move your hand to help someone, the whole body gets blessed.
The Cure for Loneliness
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.
James 5:16
The cure for loneliness isn’t just company. It is communion and worship.
Next Step: This week, find one person in your community with whom you feel disconnected. Send a text, make a call, or invite them for coffee.
2 thoughts on “How to cure Christian loneliness?”
While there’s truth in all of this, I find it a bit lacking in compassion. When God said ‘it is not good for man to be alone’ He said so before the Fall; He was also referring to man’s need for a wife. So, while it’s true that I might feel lonely when I am somewhat pining for a wife, and less lonely when I am worshipping or helping other lonely people, you seem to think, or at least state, that this is all that is required to deal with lonliness, and that rather than it being a natural consequence of being a widower, a divorcee, or a single person there is something wrong with it. I presume you are married? It’s just possible that some people might feel alleviated from their lonliness when worshipping or helping others and then feel lonely sometimes when they go back to their empty flat. Moreover, the church they attend might not be very good at encouraging brotherhood and fellowship.
This is very helpful