Disclaimer: This article offers general guidance and may not fit every situation. Relationships are unique, so decisions should be made thoughtfully, considering your circumstances and, if needed, seeking professional advice.
This content is primarily for a U.S. adult audience, and cultural differences in dating practices should be respected. Additionally, this list is not exhaustive. By “biblical conviction,” we refer to beliefs based on a commitment to the Bible as the ultimate guide for faith and practice.
When it comes to dating, having strong convictions is key to building a healthy, God-centered relationship. In our previous article, “6 Convictions for Christian Dating,” we talked about the principles that guide us to having a strong foundation, no matter what storms come up.
…But it’s also super important to spot any RED FLAGS!
These warning signs can help you see if a relationship might be steering you away from God, your values, or your spiritual growth.
Before we dive in, I want to remind you of something very IMPORTANT—something I wish I had paid more attention to when I was younger: Do not be led by your emotions, but be led by the Scriptures.
Emotions can be strong and sometimes cloud our judgment. As we look at these red flags, let’s turn to God’s Word for guidance and let His wisdom shape our decisions.
Contents
5 Red Flags in Christian Dating:
1. Not Interested in God
For a Christian relationship to truly thrive, it’s important that both partners are genuinely interested in growing their faith together. If your partner isn’t really into spiritual conversations, it can be a big red flag.
When you don’t share the same spiritual goals, it can lead to distance and misunderstandings in the relationship.
I wanted to be inspired by the things my partner was learning in their time with God and to focus on putting God first and each other second.
Example: If your partner avoids prayer, skips church frequently, or has no desire to talk about spiritual topics, it could mean they’re not committed to the same faith journey. A strong relationship should draw both people closer to God, not lead one away!
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
2 corinthians 6:14
2. Ignoring Boundaries
Healthy boundaries are essential in any relationship, especially one that wants to honor and please God. If your partner constantly pushes or disregards your personal or spiritual boundaries, this is a serious red flag.
Respecting each other’s limits is crucial to maintaining purity and trust.
As a woman of God, I envisioned my future husband as someone who would do whatever it took to make sure I felt safe, protected, and valued, just as I would for him.
This doesn’t mean we’d be perfect, but we would both be willing to sacrifice for each other, no matter how challenging it might be.
Example: Suppose your partner pressures you into something you don’t want to do or are uncomfortable with, or consistently ignores your requests for time alone to pray or reflect. This behavior not only disrespects your convictions but also creates an unhealthy dynamic.
It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
3. Inconsistent Character
Actions speak louder than words, and consistency reflects integrity and reliability. If your partner’s actions don’t align with their words or they behave differently in various situations, it could be a red flag.
The Bible warns us against hypocrisy.
Example: Your partner might behave differently when you’re present to impress you but act another way when you’re not around. This inconsistency can be confusing, misleading, and reveal underlying intentions.
The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.
Proverbs 11:3
4. Better Alone Than Together
A partner should encourage and build up your faith, not pull you away from it. If you find that your faith is weakening because of your relationship, this is a significant red flag.
A godly relationship should bring you closer to God, not further away.
If you find that you’re happier and healthier apart than together, it could be a sign that the relationship isn’t right for you.
Example: If your partner discourages you from attending church, makes fun of your spiritual practices, or leads you into situations that compromise your convictions, it’s time to reevaluate!
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.
proverbs 27:17
5. Lack of Accountability and Advice
Accountability and seeking wise counsel is crucial in a Christian relationship. If your partner is unwilling to seek or accept accountability from mature Christians or refuses to be open about their own struggles, this is a red flag.
Example: If your partner avoids talking about their spiritual life, asking for help, not owning up to mistakes, or showing vulnerability in difficult situations, it may be a sign that they struggle with advice and humility.
Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors, there is safety.
proverbs 11:14
Conclusion
Identifying these red flags in dating can help you make wise, faith-based choices without letting emotions take over.
While no one is perfect and relationships do need grace and forgiveness, it’s important to align your standards with what the Bible says.
Also look internally at your own character too – what can you grow in? What mistakes have you made that you can improve upon?
Protect your heart and strive for a relationship that draws you closer to Christ rather than distances you from Him.
Always prioritize your spiritual well-being and continue to grow personally.
NO relationship is worth sacrificing your convictions!
Take Time to Reflect
Take some time to reflect on your current relationship.
Do any of these red flags feel familiar?
Try making a pros and cons list to gain clarity, have an open and honest conversation with your partner, or seek guidance from a trusted friend or mentor.
Remember, your relationship with Christ should always be your top priority.
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